Is it normal to miss your booty call?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
