I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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