We're facebook friends in real life
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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