lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
