blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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