Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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