I am spending my child support on dildos
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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