glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
