I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
