Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Your dad touched me again.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
