That's when you crack a 10am beer
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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