He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
