if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you have feelings for this penis?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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