I think my fart just growled at me.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize