don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Drunk is not a location!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
