my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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