WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
