Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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