4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hippo gnu deer
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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