she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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