the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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