What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
