I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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