New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize