no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
