If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
