I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
