Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
