Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
