he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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