Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
