I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize