In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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