well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
