those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
