he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
