Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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