She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
