that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
