she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
