3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
