Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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