absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize