I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
