I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize