you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
