she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
