Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just puked most of my soul out..
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