i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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