ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
