i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
