I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i need to put some appletini on your dick
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
