the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
