how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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