The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
