I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
