I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize