Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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