i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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