Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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