I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
