Your mouth is God's brothel.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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