Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
