I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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