Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
