the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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