can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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