it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
