I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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