I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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