i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
