True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
