Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
