i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
