Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
