omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
