I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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