Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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