I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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