He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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