Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
