My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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