So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
