I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize