Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize