my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
