Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
