it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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