You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my sisters under your porch take her home
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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