Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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