I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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