I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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