I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
