I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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