My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
