oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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