i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Best friends brother. Beat that.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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