It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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