my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
they need to just BURY HIM!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize