whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
