I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
