If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
how does that bad decision feel?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Shame - the story of my life.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
