i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
