Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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