you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize