i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Omg I joined a choir last night...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
