No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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