cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
