i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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