I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
