Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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