3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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